National Lab Week. Time for big plastic bags of cheese flavored popcorn to appear in the break room. National Lab Week.
Surgery was the first to sense a problem. When an aide brought down arterial and venous blood for speedy analyses during open heart surgery there was no-one in the lab.
``Gases and platelets room two,'' he yelled. No one heard. They were all in the break room mixing up margaritas.
Soon Emergency and Critical Care were calling. Where were their results?
The lab people didn't answer. They were in the break room drinking tequila.
The surgery supervisor came down to the lab. She had never been there before. Blood and urine samples piled on the processing bench. Phones ringing. Every line. Analysers beeping insistently, demanding attention.
The lab supervisor was called out of a meeting.
``They're all drunk. They say they're celebrating Lab Week. I'll call some people in.'' But no-one answered the phone. All she got was answering machines.
The lab supervisor was panicking.
``No. These are new machines since I was a bench worker. No, I can't run them. No, we can't send them to St Aldous. They have no access to our computer...''
Three angry surgeons strode in. Surely their fearsome presence would set things right.
One look at the chaos and they left.
``Cancel all surgeries,'' the chief of surgery said.
``We're on divert,'' ED told the ambulance dispatchers.
The CEO came down to the break room. He stood in perplexity looking at all these people he did not know, had never seen.
``What is it you want?'' he asked. A woman named Melissa walked up to him. She was old and mean looking, with harlequin glasses.
``I've worked in the blood bank here for forty years,'' she said, ``and what I'd like is a little respect!''
``Yeah!'' the lab people roared and they crowded dangerously close around the CEO. Fear fluttered his stomach. They were a nasty looking lot.
``Think of the welfare of our patients!'' he babbled.
``Don't hand us that line,'' an Asian man said, ``when did you ever think of anything except your bottom line?''
Someone offered the CEO a margarita. He drank it quickly, for courage.
It was soon over. The lab people went back to work. It took the rest of the shift to get everything caught up.
The Lab Week Revolt did not make the news. No-one would acknowledge that it ever happened.
But it was not entirely forgotten.