A man left his country to escape conscription into the Czar's army. He endured many hardships and travelled far. Eventually he came to America and in a few years had a successful store in a California mining town. Now that he was settled he found himself lonely. The women of the town were few, and either married or bar girls. He imagined an affectionate wife at his side. What comfort. What economy. He wouldn't have to pay for help. A woman from his own country would be ideal. He arranged to have the school teacher in his home town find a good wife for him. He sent money for a ticket to New York City. They would marry in New York and take the train across the country to California. A great adventure!
Back in Europe the penniless school teacher had an idea. He was about to be drafted into the Czar's army, and he was in love with Anna, one of his students.
Anna and the school teacher walked in the long mid-summer night along the great slow river. They talked, planned and agreed. Anna would go to America as the prospective bride. Accompanying her would be a barrel. In the barrel would be her one true love, the school teacher, who she would marry before leaving.
``What have you got in here?'' asked the porter, ``Weighs a ton.''
``Good Polish pickles,'' said Anna.
The voyage was long. After a few days Anna let her lover out. He was weak and pale and smelled very bad. He skulked about the ship trying to avoid attention until too many people were asking about him. Anna put him back in the barrel.
When they approached New York Anna once again freed her husband and the two of them slipped into the city unseen by the would be husband. He stood long on the dock, a bunch of wilting flowers in his hands.